Misfit: My Story of Family, Mental Illness and Belonging

Bradley Bezan
Bradley Bezan
June 15, 2016
Reading Time: 8 min
Bradley with Father, Anxiety, Mental Health, Brad's Blog, Inspiration, Spark Stories

Like my father and his father before him, I’ve battled anxiety all my life. I learned early how important it is to talk about it. It’s taken some time, but I’m finally ready to share my story.

Bradley Bezan

Home and Second Home

I grew up in Kapuskasing, Ontario. Industry town. Remote. A great place to grow up, but also a tough place to grow up. Like most people from Kap, my dad worked at the local mill.  It was hard work – constant noise, heavy machinery, long hours. Over time it wore him down.

Bradley's Father's Toolbox
My dad’s toolbox

Growing up in Kap, you didn’t talk about mental health. Alcoholism and depression were common, but you wouldn’t know it from the outside. Like his father before him, my dad had been battling anxiety and depression his whole life. The stress and exhaustion from work slowly made it worse. For years he managed without really dealing with it. He kept it hidden from us until, eventually, it became impossible to hide. That was around when I started high school. From then on, his illness was this constant presence in our home, like a thick fog.

I was never a great student. I’m the type of person who always asks, “Why?” “What’s the benefit of this?” School didn’t always have an answer to those questions. I didn’t fit there. What I really loved was working with kids. When I was 15, I worked my first summer at a camp run by Family Services. That’s where I found my passion. My purpose.

I was brought up to see a lot of potential in people, and I saw it in the kids at Camp Cadanac. Many came from the foster care system and low-income families. Many struggled with behavioural issues, ADHD, anxiety, and intellectual and physical disabilities. Many were already highly medicated. They were all unique, but they’d all been dealt a rough hand.

My camp name was Scuttle, after the seagull from The Little Mermaid –  fun, goofy, and always ready with an idea for the next crazy thing. Camp was an outlet, a second home. I was surrounded by kids who I connected with. Kids I related to. In my third summer, I became the camp coordinator. It was the best time of my life. I met my future wife and mother of my two sons, Cooper and Preston. At home, though, the fog was getting thicker.

Heroic Through the Struggle

Bradley with Father and Brother Corey
My brother Corey, my dad and me watching our beloved Flyers

In the summer after my first year at Lakehead, it became clear that Dad needed the kind of help we couldn’t provide. We sat down as a family, pooled our resources together, and got him a spot in one of Canada’s most sought after rehab facilities.

My dad was heroic through the struggle. He went against the grain and spoke openly about his illness. He encouraged me to use my story to help the kids I was working with. He used to tell us, ‘If somebody breaks their arm or is diagnosed with cancer, we sympathize with them. If somebody has a mental illness, we back off; we don’t know how to deal with it. But they’re the same. They’re the same.’

That fall, I transferred to the Social Sciences program at Ottawa U. For the next three years, I pushed through, trying to finish my degree. During that time, my dad was in and out of rehab multiple times. One afternoon while I was studying, I got a call from my doctor. “If you don’t bring your dad into the hospital, he’s not going to make it through the weekend.” I made the 10-hour drive to Kapuskasing to check him into the hospital. He weighed only 80 lbs at the time. After that, I made the drive home as often as I could.

In the summer after my 3rd year at Ottawa U, I was given more bad news. Camp Cadanac had closed for restructuring. I was already providing respite care in my spare time and loving it. I was really connecting with kids who were struggling at home and in school and making a difference in their lives. With camp closed, I stayed in Ottawa for the summer to do respite full-time. I didn’t go back to school that fall.

Spark Begins

I took my last ten thousand from my student loan and registered for the best training I could find on connecting with and inspiring individuals facing various challenges. I trained all over Canada, in Louisiana, London and Paris. At that time, I had no thought of starting a company, I just wanted to be the best respite caregiver I could be. But I quickly became frustrated.

Bradley
“Misfit” is one word for it…

I was a cog in a machine that wasn’t working particularly well. I would sit in committee meetings to represent a kid I was working with, and there would be 12 people there who didn’t really know him. Sometimes the parents wouldn’t even be invited. How can you provide good care if you don’t know the person and you’re not involving their family?

I was part of a care system that was all about making sure someone shows up, with little thought put into who shows up and what happens when they get there. To give an example: I once worked with a 12-year-old boy who had recently lost his dad. When care had to be discontinued, we weren’t allowed to see or speak to each other ever again. You don’t need to be a clinician to understand how upsetting this would be for any kid, let alone one who was already dealing with the pain of a huge loss. Needless to say, I did not follow procedure on this one.

There were a lot of ways my approach differed from my employer’s. The biggest one was my conviction that you have to build a relationship before you can have any impact as a caregiver. When my clients made it clear that they preferred my approach, I decided to set out on my own. Within a year, my schedule was full. Referral organizations started approaching me. They wanted to know what I was doing and why it was working so well.

Eventually, I had a decision to make: start turning down clients, or find someone to work alongside me. When I met Mike McNeil – whose importance to this story I don’t have space to do justice to here – the decision became an easy one. That’s when Spark was truly born: a social enterprise whose purpose would be to help people live happier, healthier lives.

I’m convinced that all of the credentials in the world mean nothing if you aren’t creating real, meaningful relationships with the people you’re supporting. I felt if we could build a business on a model that put relationships first; if we could find passionate and creative people who not only had the education and experience but who truly cared about their clients, that we could do something special.

Mike’s background in recreation therapy and incredible people skills were a godsend. After he joined the team, the referrals were coming in more quickly. We also started getting calls from other people like us. Caregivers who had a real passion for this work, who wanted to do it differently. We were growing fast and attracting attention for our innovative approach. In the fall of 2013, we received the Rising Star Award from Invest Ottawa for our contributions to the city’s startup ecosystem. It seemed like everything was falling into place. I was so excited about where we were headed.

8 months later, Michael “Buzz” Bezan lost his battle with mental illness. His body had been through too much. On July 11th, 2014, his heart suddenly stopped beating.

It Doesn’t Define Us

Bradley's Father
Michael “Buzz” Bezan. Incredible player. Incredible dad.

Growing up, my dad was always the life of the party. Constantly cracking jokes and making people feel comfortable. He loved sports, and was a great hockey player. We would have his homemade pizza at big family dinners and watch the world juniors, loudly informing the players what they really should’ve done with the puck. My parents were old school: strict on being polite and finishing what you started. We often saw things differently, but I never felt limited or pressured to walk a certain path. And I never doubted that they loved me.

I started Spark for a lot of reasons. I wanted to make people’s lives better, and this was the best way I knew how to do it. I also wanted to create a workplace that was a real community – a place where you feel valued and empowered. Where you can be yourself. But I also did it for me and my dad. To show him and everyone else that you can have a mental illness and still follow your dreams, that it doesn’t have to define you. I’m not going to lose this battle. I’m going to win it for him.

It took me a long time to begin to face my anxiety and slowly take back control of my life. When it was at its worst, I wouldn’t see anybody. I wouldn’t go out, answer my phone or do much of anything. But something amazing had begun happening. Whenever I was working with a kid, the anxiety would fade away. It turned out that the best treatment for my struggle was helping other people deal with theirs.

I’ve since combined that treatment with exercise, talk therapy, medication, hard work and the love and support of my family and friends. Time spent with Cooper and Preston is therapy in itself. I feel healthier and happier. I know my limitations. I’ll always have anxiety; it’s never going to disappear fully. But I’ve gone beyond surviving. I’ve finally learned how to live.

I’m a misfit. It’s OK to be a misfit. My thinking is: instead of letting the world force you to fit in somewhere, build a community where you and other misfits can fit in together. Spark is more than just a Monday to Friday for us. Spark is our vocation. It’s where we belong.

Buzz Day

Bradley's Father with Grandson
Dad holding his new grandson Cooper for the first time

I’m sharing my story because mental illness is dark, and the only way to fight darkness is to shine a light on it. This July 14th would have been my dad’s 58th birthday. Starting this year, it will be a paid day off for employees, to spend with someone who struggles with mental illness. I encourage everyone across Spark to use this time to support someone they know who is experiencing challenges.

To talk with them, listen to them, laugh with them. A day to tell our stories and shine a light on the dark corners of our lives. Buzz Day. Named after my favourite misfit.

  • Bradley with Marie
  • Marie with Son
  • Bradley's Son
  • Bradley and Spark Team
  • Bradley with Sons
  • Bradley with Father
  • Bradley's Father

Comments

50

  1. Elizabeth Brownlee

    says:

    I, too, grew up in Kap. In 1958, my mom had what was then called a nervous breakdown. Back then, there were no local resources, so our family doctor did his best and consulted with doctors at the Psych Hospital in North Bay. Despite his best efforts, mom ended up spending 10 months in hospital there, and she struggled with her nerves for the rest of her life. Her illness was not something we discussed; we just lived with it. Fortunately, I have been spared this illness, but now I talk about it openly. Thank you so much for sharing your family’s story, and bless you for the important work you are doing! The folks with whom you work are fortunate, indeed!

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Elizabeth, thank you so much for sharing your story and for all the kind words. Are we not so lucky at the end of the day that the tides are turning and we can speak about these things? I cannot imagine the isolation and mistreatment that your mother would have gone through. I’m happy to hear that you are doing well. Your generation plays an important role in educating the next and opening the lines of communication. Wishing you all the best!

  2. Wendy Donnan

    says:

    Truly an amazing story Brad. Wish I new your dad.

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Thank you, Wendy! You would have loved him. A smile and laugh that was so contagious.

  3. Deanne Evans

    says:

    Thank you for sharing such a great story. You are truly doing great things and changing the world for the better! It has been a pleasure to work with Spark!
    Sincerely,
    Deanne Evans

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Thank you so much Deanne. You play such an important role in helping us make our dreams come to fruition. Please always let us know how we can get better. We value our work with you so much.

  4. Wendell Streeter

    says:

    I was very well acquainted with your Father during my years in Kapuskasing. He was an excellent human being and a joy to be around. Your article however has been a huge eye opener…During my approx 23 years in Kap I have to figure I knew him 20 of those years and had no idea he was suffering with mental illness. My memories of him were always having a good chuckle and good conversation…I was saddened to hear that he had passed away at such a young age. Thank you for sharing this…best to you and your future…

    Wendell Streeter

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Wendell,

      Thanks for sharing. Isn’t it amazing how people can hide these things so well? Regardless of my dads struggles, my dad lived many many great years and had many great laughs. As he used to say, with mental illness the highs are high and the lows are low. I’m glad to hear you experienced that contagious laugh of his. Oh what I would give sometimes to hear it again.

      All the best to you and your family as well!

  5. Shawn Arora

    says:

    Brad, your father sounds like an amazing man — it was great to hear about him through your touching story. The passion and dedication you have for those around you is what life is all about.

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Thank you so much for the kind words Shawn. So glad to be working alongside someone equally as great!

  6. It is difficult to find the words to say how touched, inspired, and utterly impressed I am by this post, Brad. To publicly own a struggle with mental illness is extremely courageous, and I am touched that you would include me in this email. I stopped in my tracks when I read of your conviction to do things right and to forego the status quo. This, clearly, is how positive change happens in the world, and I can only keep working to follow your example. Finally, sharing your love and appreciation for your father through the Buzz day is such a beautiful gesture to your staff and to the community. You’ve made my day, Brad!

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Wow, Jennifer. When we decided to post this, we did so with the expectation that maybe one person helped would be enough. To hear people like you opening up to us and sharing their own stories proves that it was worth every bit of it. As I have said before, Spark was built of the collaboration of worker with amazing people like yourself. I truly hope we have the opportunity to work together more in the near future and I really do wish you the absolute best.

  7. Brad,
    Thanks for sharing your wonderful story! I really appreciate the work that you and the rest of Spark are doing for my clients.
    Regards,
    Sarah Good

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Thank you so much, Sarah. As I mentioned to Deanne, we can’t tell you how grateful we are for you giving us the opportunity to try to accomplish this dream. It’s critical that we surround ourselves with great people like you who can teach us how to be better. Looking forward to a bright future of working with you.

  8. Lise Carrière

    says:

    Hi Bradley,

    Finally we meet and hopefully some day soon, maybe in person ! Your dad was a very good friend of mine ! I respected him and he respected me ! We went through high school together and often celebrated victories together whether it be for his football game, my basketball game, or each other’s baseball games, and etcetera, etcetera. We were even partners in our Physics class where Mr. St. Louis would often waiver a lesson to discuss our games. He loved talking about the sports we were involved in. Mr. St. Louis cared so much for both of us that he always made sure our grades were the same because he didn’t want to favor one over the other. Our friendship continued in London when he was at Fanshawe College and I had moved there to work. Your dad helped me through some rough patches in my personal life but never letting on of his own struggles. However, what I remember most is the laughter we shared and often. The last time I saw your dad was at Christmas mass at St. Patrick’s Church a good many years ago. We were so happy to see each other but our words were limited … always in a rush to go somewhere it seems ! I will always regret not having taken the time to meet your family then or of looking him up afterwards. My trips home were always short and quick.

    Bravo Bradley for what you are doing, for the courage you are displaying in honor of your father. Mike was a wonderful human being ! I moved to Ottawa almost 5 years ago with my family and am still teaching. I would love for us to get together sometime so I can share some great memories I have of your dad. I have to share that I too, have been in the wheel of mental illness and have always been very open and vocal about it no matter what people thought, because I also seemed to come from a very normal family where there was a history as far back as I can remember, but that I didn’t discover until I became ill for the 1st time at age 20. Today, my psychiatrist calls me his success story because I have not been ill in many years.

    I will send you an invite to be my friend Bradley. I hope you accept and we can perhaps meet and go down memory lane about Mike and how wonderful a person and a gentleman your dad always was.

    Lise Carrière Boulianne

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Lise,

      I absolutely love hearing stories like this. Thank you thank you thank you. I welcome the opportunity to meet with you and hear as much as I can. I will be in touch very soon.

  9. Tom VanAlstine

    says:

    Brad, what an amazing, and touching, story. Thanks for your courage to speak out, and for your dedication to the people you serve. I’m proud to know you. Tom VanAlstine

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Tom, what a kind message. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and please know that all of the success we have had can be directly related to surrounding ourselves with equally as amazing people like yourself. The pride is mutual my friend.

  10. Sam Bantten

    says:

    Amazing story! So many people are dealing with mental illness in some way or form. It’s refreshing to hear other peoples stories and experiences to know that you’re not going through these things alone. Talking about it is the only way we can challenge the status quo.

    1. Bradley Bezan

      says:

      Sam, you’re a wonderful human being! Thank you for the kind words. Really hoping to see you at some point this summer. Take care!

Feeling inspired?
Work with Spark!
Every open position represents a unique client that has different needs.
Find positions that you feel you are a good personality, education, and local match for.
Apply for an Open Position
Find the care that's right for you and your family
Fill out our referral form to request a free consultation.
Get Started